How To Beat Your Fears Of Anything
10 Steps To A Fear Free Life: Whilst I in no way claim to be an expert I have put together my own simple plan that I call my 10 steps to a fear free life.
It’s a simple plan that worked for me and was borne from my own fight against fear, my own personal experiences and those of others – I hope you may find it helpful and useful and hope that what worked for me may also help you to beat your fears – good luck.
1. Face Your Fears. Accepting your fear is easier said than done but you’re not going to get anywhere until you do. Analyse exactly what your fear is, study and understand exactly how if effects you and decide to beat it. Write it all down, make it real – don’t just pretend the fear is not there instead acknowledge the fact that it is and decide, here and now, “right … let’s beat this once and for all!” Congratulations – you’ve just made the first step and one HUGE step at that.
2. Share Your Fears. Talk to family, friends and those around you, come clean about your fears, share your feelings. Find others like you, forums, chat rooms, help groups, social media – you only have to search online to quickly and easily find others in the same situation as you who want to share and swap information, feelings and experiences.
3. Control Your Fears. Right now the fear is there controlling you – it’s time for you to control it. Treat it as an enemy and play it at its own game. At the moment the fear lives hidden away in your brain, it emerges every so often to remind you it’s there and when it does it’s such a horrible feeling of panic or anxiety that you go out of your way to try to avoid anything that reminds you of it. Take it out of hiding and surround yourself with it so that you can remind yourself of it every day – write it down, put reminder stickers around your house, your car, your desk at work … everywhere. Doing this means that you are controlling when you think about the fear, it’s now on your terms and will not be able to control you in the way it used to.
4. Dilute Your Fears. You’ve started to control the feelings but the fear is still there. It could be a common fear which everyone understands, it could be an embarrassing fear, or it could be an obscure or completely irrational fear – it doesn’t matter what it is because it’s real to you. It’s not just you though, you are never alone no matter how weird or obscure you may think your fear to be. Do some research, a simple internet search should suffice, to understand you are not alone, you are never alone and that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having your fear, nothing to be embarrassed about and nothing to feel ashamed of. Understand that everyone has fears, many have your fear but most don’t let it take over their lives. If they can do it so can you, it’s not as bad as you think, it’s never as bad as you think … feel the fear, face the fear, beat the fear … you CAN do it just believe in yourself.
5. Think Logically About Your Fears. Think about your fear, whatever it may be, just what is it that you’re actually afraid of? What would happen if your worst fears were realized? What would you do if they were? Seriously, you may think you know your fear but look at it logically and really think about it – don’t just say “I’m scared of public speaking” but examine exactly what is it you fear – is it being laughed at, being humiliated, being rejected, making a fool of yourself, sweating etc. Then think about what would actually happen – people could laugh, some may feel sorry for you or embarrassed for you … so what! Then think about what you’d do – apologize, laugh with them, run away, cry or nothing, just act like nothing went wrong, go home and it’s all forgotten. It’s really not that bad. Then again, it may not be anywhere near as bad as you expect and you could be better than you expected and actually enjoy it – you just won’t know until you try.
6. Plan For The Worst And Face Your Fears. You’re going to do it, you’re going to face your fears and beat your fears and to do that there’s no other way than to do whatever it is that terrifies you. Before you do it though think about the previous stage and decide how you’ll react IF it goes wrong and your worst fears are realised. Give yourself the confidence by planning for the worst – it’s not going to be that bad, it never is but it will give you more confidence. If you have a phobia of dentists, make the appointment but tell the receptionist of your fear, ask the receptionist which dentist they recommend, arrive for your appointment and tell the dentist about your fear, who will be the most sympathetic to your fears tell him that if you can’t go through with it you’ll ask him to stop, tell him if you can’t go through with it you may have to leave … that’s your worst case scenario plan. This is just an example but one that was real to me – the pride I felt when I went through with it, the exhilaration of facing my fears and having the guts to face it was an amazing feeling. Try it – adopt the same principle for whatever your fear actually is.
7. Fight Your Fears … And Keep Fighting. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again! We’re talking about a fear that’s real to you, something that’s been with you for years, possibly a lifetime so you’re not going to beat it in 5 minutes but, with tenacity and determination you WILL. You’ve analysed the fear, taken control of the fear, made the plans to beat the fear, put a contingency plan in place to give you the confidence if it goes wrong, decided you’re going to do it, so now it’s time … go for it, then go for it again and again and again until the war is won.
8. Have Patience With Your Fears. Take it step by step and bit by bit. Don’t look back and don’t look forward – forget what happened yesterday and don’t think about tomorrow just follow the plans for today,
9. Praise, Share, Celebrate, Reward And Enjoy. Just as you would in everything else you do in life, enjoy success. Share it with those nearest and dearest, praise yourself, celebrate and reward yourself and, most of all, enjoy being able to beat your fears.
10. Live Life To The Full … Fear Free. Enjoy a fear free life and remember my favorite quote:
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
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